The Child I Never Was
Phénix V — Album Track 01
Album: Ce qu’il reste de moi
Official release: 21 October 2026
How can you miss something you never even knew existed?
When I look back on my childhood, I see, above all, a happy child. A boy who explored his own world, enjoyed his independence, and wished he could remain a child forever. I felt free and always found a way to figure things out on my own. That was my reality, and I was genuinely happy in it. I have never felt that I had an unhappy childhood, and that has not changed today.
It was only later in life that this same childhood began to take on a different meaning. An unexpected and special bond developed with someone, through which I discovered a kind of affection, closeness, and care that had previously been unknown to me. Not because I had consciously been searching for it, but simply because I had never realised that things could be different. It was a discovery that made me reflect on aspects of my childhood I had never questioned before.
That realisation brought two truths together. I truly had been a happy child, yet there were also things I had never experienced. Recognising this does not make my memories any less beautiful, nor does it take away from the joy I felt back then. It simply helps me understand why independence and always finding my own solutions seemed so natural to me.
L’enfant que je n’ai jamais été is about that discovery. It is not about rewriting my past, blaming anyone, or telling the story of a child who needed to be rescued. It is about being able to look at your own history through new eyes, without denying the reality of what you experienced.
Perhaps that is the most important meaning of this song for me: you can be happy with the life you know, only to discover much later that something else existed all along.
Lyrics
Read the complete lyrics (original French + English translation).
J’étais un enfant heureux
Du moins, c’est ce que je croyais
I was a happy child
At least, that’s what I believed
Je courais sans regarder l’heure
Je faisais ce que je voulais
I ran without watching the time
I did whatever I wanted
Je voulais rester petit
Ne jamais devenir grand
I wanted to stay little
Never to grow up
Le monde était assez vaste
Pour inventer chaque instant
The world was big enough
To make every moment an adventure
Je n’attendais rien de plus
Je ne savais pas pourquoi
I expected nothing more
I didn’t know why
J’avais appris très tôt
À me débrouiller comme ça
I had learned very early
To manage on my own
On me demandait parfois
Si certaines choses me manquaient
Sometimes people would ask me
If there were things I missed
Mais comment regretter
Ce qu’on n’a jamais connu ?
But how can you long for
Something you’ve never known?
Je ne savais pas que ça manquait
Puisque je ne l’avais jamais connu
I didn’t know I was missing it
Because I had never known it
Je croyais que j’avais tout
Parce que je savais vivre sans
I thought I had everything
Because I knew how to live without it
Je ne savais pas
Qu’on pouvait être aimé autrement
I didn’t know
That love could feel different
Sans devoir être fort
Sans devoir mériter sa place
Without having to be strong
Without having to earn my place
Je ne savais pas que ça manquait
I didn’t know I was missing it
D’être simplement un enfant
Simply being allowed to be a child
Je savais lire les silences
Avant de comprendre les mots
I knew how to read the silences
Before I understood the words
Je savais quand rester discret
Quand sourire un peu trop
I knew when to stay quiet
When to smile a little too much
Je trouvais toujours une issue
Je demandais rarement de l’aide
I always found a way out
I rarely asked for help
Ce n’était pas du courage
C’était juste ma façon d’être
It wasn’t courage
It was simply how I was
Et personne ne m’avait appris
Qu’un enfant pouvait se reposer
And no one had ever taught me
That a child could rest
Dans les bras de quelqu’un
Sans avoir peur de déranger
In someone’s arms
Without fearing they were a burden
Je ne trouvais rien d’étrange
À porter tout ça tout seul
I saw nothing unusual
In carrying it all alone
C’était ma normalité
That was normal to me
Et j’y étais heureux
And I was happy in that world
Je ne savais pas que ça manquait
Puisque je ne l’avais jamais connu
I didn’t know I was missing it
Because I had never known it
Je croyais que j’avais tout
Parce que je savais vivre sans
I thought I had everything
Because I knew how to live without it
Je ne savais pas
Qu’on pouvait être aimé autrement
I didn’t know
That love could feel different
Sans masque
Sans défense
Without a mask
Without defences
Sans avoir peur de ne pas être assez
Without fearing I wasn’t enough
Je ne savais pas que ça manquait
I didn’t know I was missing it
D’être simplement un enfant
Simply being allowed to be a child
Puis un jour
Quelqu’un est resté
Then one day
Someone stayed
Sans vouloir me changer
Sans vouloir me réparer
Without trying to change me
Without trying to fix me
Je pouvais parler
Ou ne rien dire
I could speak
Or say nothing at all
Je pouvais être là
Sans devoir servir à quelque chose
I could simply be there
Without having to serve a purpose
Et dans ce calme
J’ai compris
And in that stillness
I understood
Il m’a fallu connaître la douceur
I had to experience tenderness first
Pour comprendre
Qu’elle m’avait manqué
To understand
That I had been missing it
Je ne savais pas que ça manquait
Et maintenant je le sais
I didn’t know I was missing it
And now I know
Je ne change pas mes souvenirs
Je ne veux pas les effacer
I’m not changing my memories
I don’t want to erase them
Cet enfant riait vraiment
Cet enfant était heureux
That child truly laughed
That child was happy
Mais il y avait un autre enfant
Caché quelque part en lui
But there was another child
Hidden somewhere inside him
Celui qui aurait voulu entendre
The one who longed to hear
Tu n’as rien à prouver
Tu n’as rien à porter
You have nothing to prove
You don’t have to carry it all
Tu es déjà assez
You are already enough
Je ne savais pas que ça manquait
I didn’t know I was missing it
D’être aimé
To be loved
Je voulais rester enfant
Toute ma vie
I wanted to remain a child
All my life
Peut-être parce qu’au fond
Maybe because deep down
Je cherchais encore
I was still searching for
L’enfant que je n’ai jamais été
The child I never was
Listen to L’enfant que je n’ai jamais été
L’enfant que je n’ai jamais été is the first track on Phénix V’s album Ce qu’il reste de moi.
The full album will be available on streaming platforms on 21 October 2026.
Want to listen to the album as soon as it is released? You can already pre-save it on Spotify.
Ce qu’il reste de moi — Spotify Pre-Save
From 21 October 2026, this section will be updated with direct listening links to Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube Music, and other streaming platforms.
Phénix V — L’enfant que je n’ai jamais été
Album: Ce qu’il reste de moi
Release date: 21 October 2026
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